February Seventh the Afternoon / March Fifteenth


Carol's leaving...my eyes feel heavy.
Why this weight?
She means something significant.

Dear Jaquelyn,
    It has been so good to get to share some time here with you. I would enjoy staying in touch.
                                               All the best,
                                                       Carol Newton


been revolving thoughts around in my mind a little too much this afternoon. That's not too horrible, though, and the day has been nice. Alisha's husband got here around 3:30 and I finally met him "officially". Very nice, almost reticent, but all he wants is to be here for his girl. I love that. "Boss" let me know that, although she attempted to end things with her boyfriend (because she didn't want him to have to deal with this), he refused the suggestion; and there are several other examples similar to this one. Makes a girl feel hopeful. Funnily enough, the two girls who share Alisha's and my suite, Ariel and Caitlin, are self-proclaimed sex addicts. What a breath of fresh air. These girls are so every-man that it kills me. Why do we end up in a place like this?

Homesickness has definitely made itself known. It sucks that I will not be able to talk to my mom and dad until tomorrow. Hopefully I can put the phone tips that the girls shared with me into good use - like how to avoid the surcharges on your calling card. The money doesn't really matter thought, so I take no qualms in purchasing another sometime tomorrow. A cell phone would be very convenient at a time like this.

what is is rad is that I am becoming much more familiar with some of the girls. Today at lunch, Rachel, Connor and I developed a scheme to implement a "spirit week," starting Monday. These girls are much younger than I, but, since they are around my sister's age, I can't help but to feel some pull toward them. Of course, they are mature much too much far beyond their years, a state which bothers me. Shit, really, Rachel has suffered since she was ten years old (she is now eighteen), and little Alannah, oh, she's only fourteen. Robbed of a childhood...or, a proper one, at least. Everything about her comes in miniature - you just wanna put her in your pocket or onto a keychain to dangle and make you giggle and remind you of the coquettish nature of such a fine life. And now again I wonder what the others think of when they see me, how they interpret my actions and speech. Overall I do believe that I am going to emerge from this ordeal with many good friends.

Really, though - I ought to seriously consider taking up this psychic business. Most of my suspicions/predictions have come true, at least to a certain extent. Re: the latter "many good friends" comment - Sophie, Jenna, Caitlin, Alyssa, Sarah, Boss, Phoebe, Kate, Erin, Karissa, Kasey...none of them mere acquaintances. Friends. Good ones. Some, bests. That's serious. And what's there to be said about the younger girls? Alannah, Rachel, Connor, Alexandra, Bobbi? I need to send them letters or something. Want to know how they are doing outside of such a protective environment. Some of them shunned the help offered by the professionals; others took it in stride. Either way, I tried to be there for them, much like I am for Mel: like a concerned older sister. Protective. Here comes that word again. Someone has told me that I tend to "spread myself too thin" when it comes to fixing other people's problems. It ain't like I can disagree with her, but damn, I really need to reconsider my approach to this topic. Need to learn when to "cut all ties." Tribute to Sophie.

1 comment:

  1. yes, you were right. same brain. "spread myself too thin when it comes to fixing other people's problems". That sentence tends to define my existence. In other news, one of my best friends is currently in rehab with a serious substance problem, im going to print these out and send them to him if that’s alright? I truly believe they will be massively encouraging. I'm really astounded by your honesty (so few people are honest-it takes courage that most don't have).